Thursday, October 13, 2005
I have a friend, Su Ling, who knows everything. No, she’s not a genius. But she is mad. Which is about the same thing as being a genius. And she is not the only one. Many of my and her other friends are also equally mad. But only Su Ling specializes in the sex angle.
"Girls evolved differently from guys," she once explained to me, “which is why they don’t have beards.”
"What is the reason for men having beards then?" I asked her.
"Evolution, kevin" she replied. "In prehistoric days, men needed a way to differentiate between men and women. The way of finding mates then was to chase the prehistoric women down until they allow you to copulate with them in a prehistoric way. So if you are a prehistoric guy and you see someone with a prehistoric beard, you don’t waste your prehistoric time by giving a prehistoric chase. You go chase something else. Evolution is smart, you know"
"Oh yeah?" I countered. "Well, we know that cows have 6 nipples and women only have two. Yet both cows and women give birth to one baby at a time. So tell me, if Evolution was so darn smart, why don’t women also have six nipples?"
"Ish! Listen," Su Ling explained patiently. "You have only two hands for foreplay, okay? Evolution states that women will have six nipples when men evolve six hands."
Mmmm…okay. The great psychoanalyst, Sigmund Freud, used to explain everything from the theory of sex. Su Ling is a practical Freudian. She explains the same thing also through sex, but through practical sex. In that sense, she is far ahead of Sigmund Freud.
"But ..." I argued, "if evolution was based on practical sex, then why don’t women have breasts at the back, so that we men have something to do with our hands, while slow dancing?"
"Look," she answered back, "if a woman has breasts at the back, she would not be able to breastfeed the baby. In that event, the father will have to hold the baby behind the mother’s back while she produces the milk. That is simply not efficient. Two people doing one job! Call it what you like, but you can’t call it evolution."
"What can you call it then?"
"Government," she replied.
Su Ling is good. She may not always make much sense to me, but she is good. Funny thing is, she is not the only one with odd theories of evolution. A male colleague of mine used to say, "Men chase after women because women are mysterious. That is why Evolution made sure that women evolve mysteriously."
"What has Evolution got to do with that?" I demanded.
"Well, Evolution made women bleed for seven days in a month and still live longer than men. Men are baffled by stuff like that. And they chase after things that baffle them."
"You sure that's what menstruation is all about? As a mystery factor to get men to chase after women?"
"Hey, it's a natural instinct. I've got a dog which chases after cars. It's because it can't understand how a dumb object with four wheels can move faster than a dog with four legs."
"Odd theory, but you could be right."
"Of course I'm right. I got a wife, don't I? I married her because I didn't understand her."
He's completely wacky, but he's got a point. So if any of you chikas are complaining that your guy does not understand you, back off. If he understood you completely, he wouldn’t be chasing you, geddit?
(( That's why I never want to understand the crazy Su **** )) ... Good Night!